Park Cities Presbyterian Church (PCA)

The empty nest challenge

By Terri Speicher

Published May 1, 2009 in Witness

Even as our national jobless rate rises, millions of women in the U.S. already understand how it feels to be fired. That’s how many of them describe the emotions of being empty nesters. Their childraising days are over—now what?

On April 17, speakers Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates, authors of Barbara & Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest, encouraged the women filling Fellowship Hall from several churches to be FAT—faithful, available, and teachable. They discussed four common questions that usually arise during this time of complex transition:

Am I the only one who feels this way? No! But loneliness, sadness, fear, and confusion should be confronted with time in God’s Word (which lasts forever), prayer (to hear the Lord’s leading), and purposeful and persistent reaching out to establish new and deepening relationships with friends. They advised their listeners to be the kind of women who think “there you are” as they enter a room instead of “here I am!”

What is happening to my relationships? They need redefining now. Expecting a husband to meet one’s emotional void is probably not realistic! And the fine line of releasing children but continuing to support and guide them becomes a tight wire indeed. Now is the time to be intentionally building and deepening friendships and developing flexibility and balance in parenting.

Who have I become? Maybe empty nesters must decide what they don’t want to become—gripers, whiners, and sluggish TV watchers. Instead, commitments to the best possible mental and physical health will allow them to maximize the time and gifts God has given them to extend His Kingdom. Recognizing that transition, not stability, is the norm of 21st-century life and learning to adjust one’s expectations can be invaluable. It’s a great time to reevaluate by taking a break from busyness and pondering who they are now, what interests them, and the issues they have avoided in their childraising busyness. Reflecting on what they are most thankful for reminds them that the good God of their past is the same good God of their future.

What’s my new purpose? This major transition period is the best time ever to reflect on one’s relationship with Christ and to grow in listening skills through His Word, prayer, and His people. Believers are created in Christ Jesus for good works, and now is the time to become world changers. “There are 40 million baby-boomer women alive today who could become a formidable army in the Kingdom of God.” said Susan.

What are you passions? Gifts? Resources? Listen to God’s Spirit, then go change the world!