Park Cities Presbyterian Church (PCA)

Caring for those we love

Support group cares for the caregivers

Published February 1, 2011 in Witness

About five years ago, the 60+ Community was approached by a PCPC member who suggested we create a caregiver support group. After some thought and prayer, we determined this might fill a need in our body. Here is just one of the many stories we have had the privilege of hearing and praying for in this ministry. Pam Dunn eloquently and lovingly testifies to the joy, sorrow, and challenges of caring for an elderly parent as well as the grace, mercy, and faithfulness of God in the midst of it.

This caregiver support group is a very special group of shared wisdom, support, encouragement, direction, and information, not to mention heartfelt prayer—all valuable to each of us at different times and seasons of our caregiving. For that, I am grateful to God.

I received a call on March 22, 2010, to come quickly to the healthcare facility where my mother, Dorothy Finger, lives due to advanced Alzheimer’s. She was also very sick with pneumonia. Although she can speak, she cannot tell you she is sick, nor does she understand sick. She cannot communicate her feelings, know what is on her plate at mealtime, or recognize her daughters. Our dilemma was: do we keep her at her home, The Plaza at Edgemere, or send her to the hospital? The Edgemere staff is her family. They speak her language, and she understands and responds to them. She feels secure and is at peace. At the hospital she would be among strangers who would not speak her language or understand her advanced Alzheimer’s. She would be fearful of their tests and needles and would try to get up and leave every five minutes.  

My sister and I raced to God and asked Him to show us how to abide in Him (John 15) as we ventured through this particular challenge. We felt very inadequate and empty and also very responsible and concerned for our mother physically and spiritually. 

God showed up all week long as we abided, poured out our hearts, and begged for wisdom. Every day Jesus met us in some way (as we decided to keep her home with her Edgemere family of staff). God sent us professionals to care for mother and advise us, and they were believing professionals.

Every morning He met me through His Word and appeared in our day according to the Word I had read that morning. Friends guided us in choosing scriptures to read to her and music to play in her room. Staff would come rushing in to check on her before their shift. We saw how much these people were mother’s family. They knew her so well, and she knew them better than she knew my sister and me. What peace that brought us and our mom, even in her mental state.

Jesus also met us in the quietness of our hearts as we looked and listened to Him. He encouraged us to pray for healing and to surrender how it happened and what it would look like.

At one point it appeared the pneumonia would take her. I expected a call in the middle of the night on March 24. Was my heart ready? It was at peace.

When I walked in early Thursday morning, my mother was sitting in her chair, dressed, with her lipstick on, in good spirits, fever free, cough free, breathing clearly—pneumonia free.

To God be the glory, great things He has done!

By the end of the week my devotional scripture was Job 37:14: “Pay attention to this Job. Stop and consider the wonderful miracles of God.” In our Bible study that same week, we were studying a scripture about a new song. I have a song. It does not have notes, but it is a song unique to this experience:

“As I look back at last week Oh Lord, and all that went on with mother’s pneumonia, it almost took her; however, Your everlasting arms, Oh Lord, held us up, carried us, and even hugged us (through many people). Your arms carried and sustained Mother. As her Great Physician, You gave instruction, guided staff, doctors, and nurses, and tenderly but powerfully touched Mother and healed her, strengthened her, and loved her. Thank you, Lord, that we have more time to share Christ with her and love her with the love of Christ.”

It has been an amazing privilege to meet so many dear ladies, hear their stories, and see spiritual, physical, and practical needs met. We communicate primarily via e-mail for prayer requests, praise reports, and special needs. The 60 + Community offers a monthly luncheon to pray, share, laugh, and often cry together. We are blessed to have PCPC member Angela Thomas, founder of Caring with Grace, offer her expertise and support.

Contact me at [email protected] or 214-224-2771 if you have needs as a caregiver. We would love to know you and pray for you in whatever caregiver circumstance the Lord has placed you. It can be a long and hard journey. It is good to bear one another’s burdens.
—Jane Beasley