Park Cities Presbyterian Church (PCA)

Learning to tend your relationship garden

By Caty Coffey

Published February 1, 2009 in Witness

Waiting for a seed to sprout, grow, and bloom is exciting, but after the oohs and ahs of the first flower, you become used to your plant, and you may even neglect it. Then weeds pop up, and sometimes you don’t know how to get rid of them. Our relationships are the same way. Without the proper tools, our relationship gardening will be more difficult. Because relationships require grace, it is vital for couples to learn tools to help spouses extend grace and love to each other because of the grace extended to us on the cross by Jesus Christ.

To learn how to tend their relationship garden, couples considering marriage gathered together on October 31 and November 1 for a seminar sponsored by PCPC’s Counseling Ministry—Foundations of Marriage: Sowing the Seeds of a Great Relationship. The keynote speaker was Dr. John Cox, a clinical psychologist from Jackson, Mississippi. Over the course of the weekend, speakers presented information to help not-yet-marrieds prepare for their future together. Dr. Cox opened with a segment on communication and connection, in which couples learned about levels of interaction and what to do when one person wants more intimacy and the other person doesn’t understand. I offered help in learning practical ways to listen and respond to each other better, and Dr. John Bercier shared financial wisdom and instructed couples in biblical financial stewardship. Next, Dr. Cox addressed conflict resolution and taught couples how to address their problems in a way that takes care of both spouses. He continued with a segment pertaining to needs in marriage. Since marriage doesn’t meet every need a person has, our keynote speaker interacted with couples about how to appropriately meet individual needs. Over lunch, the audience enjoyed a time for questions and answers with a panel of marriage veterans. Couples who had been married from less than a year to more than thirty years shared stories and gave practical advice. After lunch, Dr. Cox led couples in a discussion about leadership and submission and encouraged them to think about how to have a loving marriage with godly roles. To finish off the seminar, Patrick and Christy Lafferty led a segment about intimacy and broke into gendered groups for further discussion.

The seminar was an encounter with the wonderful and growth-producing reality of marriage. This was Dr. Cox’s second visit to PCPC as a keynote speaker, and his humor, experience, and insight engaged listeners. He gave them practical, helpful tools for creating and maintaining thriving relationships.

If you are considering engagement or are engaged, you will have the chance to hear Dr. Cox again on Saturday, March 7. Be on the lookout for Boot Camp for Lovers (aka Foundations of Marriage) so that you can begin gathering the tools to nurture your future marriage into healthy, blossoming growth.